NEW BABIES!!!!

I will go into my infertility story another time...let's just say 10 years of marriage, then a daughter through adoption and then 3 years later a homegrown son.  (More on that in another post!)

This is about my BRAND NEW NIECES!!  My brother and sister in law have been trying to have babies since their marriage in September 2005.  After 5 failed IVF's that didn't 'take' or they got a positive then lost the pregnancy. NUMBER SIX was the one!...er I should say TWO.

I was blessed and thrilled to be by their side at all their fetal assessments, doc appts, and even there through the whole labour!!!  I wasn't able to go into the delivery room as there were too many docs and staff in there - but I was able to meet the girls right after birth, not even wrapped in blankets yet.  Mila, the biggest and oldest @ 6 lbs 5 oz was born first and she has black hair and is beautiful, the second girl, Anabella was born second (rough rough rough delivery - nightmare stuff actually) Anabella weighed 5 lbs 6 oz. and has a smattering of dirty blonde hair. Introducing....

Anabella (left) Mila (right)

What Do I See In The Mirror?

I read alot of mommy blogs, weight loss blogs, funny blogs, decorating blogs.  The common thread is a 25-50ish woman is sharing her story with me.  It is funny how reading a blog that I feel a connection with that person.  Like we are friends, like I feel what she feels, find joy in her happiness and tears for her sadness.

When I sit down to write something about me, I think, what the heck do I have to share with anyone.

Currently I am off work (at their insistance as I was missing too much time being ill).  I am seeing a great doctor, seeing a good psychologist and trying to figure out how to get better.

I am clinically depressed, I am tired all the time, I have gained weight after having successfully lost 100 pounds, I have no energy, I am not absorbing vitamins very well, I am anemic and I am just plain blah.

My family is wonderful.  I have a husband who I have been married to for 22 years and together as a couple since 1982.  He is an amazing, patient, loving, kind man.  We have two children.  The sweetest, kindest, gentlest 13 year old daughter.  She has been that way from the moment she was placed in my arms.  I still have to look for her angel wings, because she is just sometimes too good to be true.  I have a spunky, feisty, smart almost 10 year old son, who I adore and who can drive me nuts with anger as much as he can make me cry with laughter.  We have two furry babies.  Miley and Oliver.  Shih Tzu siblings, who are just furry bundles of love.

What do I see in the mirror?  I see a tired fat pathetic woman looking back at me.  I am so hard on myself.

It is like a never ending spiral.  I'm depressed because I am tired, and so it goes.  I am not motivated at all to do anything.  We just built a beautiful new house and moved in August 1, 2010.  I don't have it in me to even clean my beautiful new house.

I hate being so negative - so why don't I just snap out of it.    Oh if I only had all the secrets!

And so begins my day.